So I've been making "Why You Should Hate" Facebook status posts before Land Grant Holy Land even existed, and I've been writing these thousand word hate screeds now for half the season. Mostly, these are well received, but a non-trivial number of my Facebook friends or LGHL readers have wondered if I'm actually a roiling ball of hate in real life. After all, a disproportionate amount of my posting activity as of late has been dedicated to pursuits related to hatin'.
This Thanksgiving holiday has helped recenter me. In real life, I am the exact opposite of a hateful person. I am gregarious and happy, loathe to attack anything in any manner other than friendly ball-busting. It's time to show the internet this other side of me. We have spent all week spewing hate and scorn. Today, let us discuss why we should LOVE.
And what better place to start than with AUBURN?
Auburn is a land-grant, sea-grant AND space-grant institution
Listen, we'd be remiss if we didn't have a special place in our heart for ALL Land Grant institutions. Like the headquarters of the Holy Land, Ohio State, Auburn was specifically set aside to educate the PEOPLE. But did you know that sea-grant and space-grant institutions were even a thing? It doesn't mean that Auburn is some sort of floating pirate campus or moon base (although that would be AWESOME), but that it has special programs geared toward the research of outer-space, and marine areas. The Tigers have graduated a B1G-like six astronauts, and one director of the Kennedy Space Center. Auburn joins Ohio State has one of the few institutions that is a Land Grant, Sea Grant, AND Space Grant university, which makes us sister schools or something, or at least, extended family. Thanksgiving IS about sharing love towards your extended family, after all.
Auburn has several well regarded academic departments
Just because Auburn isn't in the CIC or listed as a Public Ivy doesn't mean it doesn't have an academic tradition worth celebrating. Auburn has top 25 programs in Veterinary Medicine (15), Pharmacy (24) and Rehabilitation Counseling (17), while also being recognized as one of the 50 best public schools in the country by US News Report, the granddaddy of college ranking services. This is, of course, to say nothing of their pioneering academic work in Exploding Dog Studies.
Auburn once played a bowl game in Cuba called The Bacardi Bowl
History is full of unique discarded bowl games, but perhaps none are more glorious than the old Bacardi Bowl, played in Havanna eight times in the early 1900s. Auburn made their first bowl appearance ever in the 1937 edition of the game, playing Vilanova to a 7-7 tie.
The program is rich in history beyond that particular oddity of course. They were coached by the incomparable John Heisman himself, and is the only school where Heisman coached (Georgia Tech, Clemson and uh...Rice?) to actually produce a Heisman Trophy winner, with three. The program claims the "Oldest Rivalry in the Deep South" with Georgia, and has won two National Titles (1957, 2010). The Tigers have a rich football history worthy of celebration.
Auburn gave us the best football game of the season so far.
I screamed so loud when this happened my life legitimately thought I had been shot. If you didn't love this football game, and you didn't go to Georgia, you're probably a degenerate communist.
Auburn Hail Mary Miracle TD Catch vs Georgia (via G4MarchMadnessHD)
A bunch of awesome people went to Auburn
* Charles Barkley, who was not only an amazingly entertaining basketball player with a body type we'll probably never see again, but he's an exceptionally engaging TV personality who has turned many of the tropes and stereotypes of professional athletes on their head. Sir Charles, if nothing else, is uniquely authentic, and few star athletes can say the same.
Also, the dude actually made Auburn good at basketball. Perhaps his most underrated achievement.
*Bo Jackson: athletic superfreak, video game legend, and actually happy person. Also, Jackson gives me an excuse to repost this, which was awesome.
*Frank Thomas, perhaps the best pure hitter of the 1990s, and namesake for probably the 2nd best baseball video game of the decade. Love u, Ken Griffey baseball.
*Tim Cook, CEO of Apple, all around "kind of a big deal" in the tech community
*Elmo Shropshire, the man who wrote "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" 9 year olds everywhere say thank you.
*Millard Fuller, founder of Habitat for Humanity, a legitimately good charity
*Jimmy Wales, co-founder of Wikipedia. HOW WOULD WE EVER DO OUR RESEARCH PAPERS WITHOUT YOU? Certainly, these articles would take a hell of a lot longer.
*Tim Beckman, Illinois football coach. As an Ohio State fan, thanks for putting Beckman in our lives.
As you can see, Auburn brings us many reasons to love. As Buckeye fans, I submit that we should all gather together to send us much positive energy to Auburn as possible this weekend. May you be successful in all of your athletic pursuits happening this Saturday.
War Eagle, and GO BUCKEYES