Last fall, Ohio State's Wexner Center for the Arts hosted an Annie Leibovitz exhibition, displaying the renowned photographer's work for Vanity Fair and Rolling Stone from four plus decades of covering celebrities. Braxton Miller clearly took notice, because his Instagram account is now a finely curated shrine to classy, tasteful photography. (One gets the sense that his SnapChat game is on point.) There must be some deeper meaning to glean from these photos, right? That's what we hoped to find out. Without further ado, our newest semi-irregular feature: "What Has Braxton Miller Been Instagramming?", where we attempt to break down Braxton's latest offerings.
Conspiracy theory: This photo has nothing to do with the end of spring semester and the start of summer break. This is definitely not a tribute to Braxton's hometown, despite the misleading "Born & made ..." caption. This is, in fact, a big, bold middle finger directed at A.J. McCarron and Johnny Manziel for planning a vacation without him. Yes, according to their Twitter accounts, A.J. and Johnny are hitting the beach this month for some fun in the sun. Their decision not to invite Braxton will ultimately work to their detriment, however – while the SEC's leading Heisman hopefuls frolic in the sand, he'll be running stadium stairs at his alma mater, gaining on them every step of the way.
We didn't know Braxton was a Yankees fan! But which player is on the back of this jersey? Here are the five most likely suspects, determined arbitrarily and provided without explanation:
- Travis Hafner
- Ichiro Suzuki
- Kevin Youkilis
- Huroki Kuroda
- Joba Chamberlain
Also, props to Braxton for including the totally gratuitous right-panel sneaker shot. At first glance, we were worried that his kicks would have to be left to the imagination – the horror! – but fortunately that was not the case.
Our most ominous shot of the day, and not just because of the gloomy filter. Braxton's caption was "One day," but what if he meant to say "One year"? As in, one more year until he declares early for the NFL Draft? Good thing we'll have Cardale Jones around forever due to his likely enrollment in a doctoral level science program.
Prediction: When we reflect on Braxton's college career, we'll all agree that the caption to this photo is when he truly endeared himself to Buckeye Nation. "What's wrong with this man?" is perfect, and pretty much all that needs to be said here.
So many questions: Does the lowercase "i" in "WiT" enhance the meme’s artistic value? (Of course it does, that's definitely what Annie Leibovitz would've done.) Did Kerry Coombs spend an entire afternoon online creating this meme? (He did, don't even try to argue otherwise.) If so, did Braxton Instagram it because he was genuinely moved or because he thought it was unintentionally funny? (I'm leaning towards the latter; I imagine Coombs is a frequent source of locker room humor.) Does Braxton's elite Instagram account make up for his abhorrent haircut? (No.)
Until next time, this has been "What Has Braxton Miller Been Instagramming?", a Land-Grant Holy Land production.