By now you've surely heard about the Ohio State students who found a stranger living in their basement.
According to The Lantern, the students found "a bedroom complete with framed photographs and textbooks" behind a door that they initially thought led to a storage closet. Real R.L. Stine-type shit.
Of course, no bedroom is complete with just photos and textbooks, so this seemed a woefully inadequate description of the room's contents. As such, we sent an undercover reporter to the scene to unearth EVERYTHING. This is what we found:
- Ray Small
- Eddie Rife's M.B.A.
- Bigggggg Mike
- Joe Bauserman's humerus
- Laura Quinn's split A.J. Hawk/Brady Quinn jersey
- Kettle corn
- A threatening message scribbled on a napkin by Art Schlichter
- Stale bow tie cookies
- The Glenville pipeline
- Jake Stoneburner and Jack Mewhort's urine
- Trev Alberts
- Mike Hart's heart (NOTE: very small; unable to love)
- Multiple f-bombs graffitied onto the floor, presumably by Bo Pelini
- Dinosaur bones
- Luke Fickell's hot seat, circa November 13, 2011 (the day after this) (MINT CONDITION)
- Terrelle Pryor's letter of intent, mistakenly addressed to the "University of Ohio State"
- Justin Zwick's pet rock, Alberto
- OBIE STILLWELL'S HAT
And many, many more things that were way too gruesome to report.