So the Big Ten is selling hot dogs at the Big Ten Tournament, and in a nod to midwestern culinary traditions, decided to create a hot dog for each school. The list, and the ingredients, are below:
The aren't many things more B1G than hot dogs, (although sadly, none of the hot dogs have Ro*Tel, Barbasol, or ranch dressing). Let's break down which hot dogs are the best.
1) Michigan State
Ingredients: Pepperjack cheese, jalapeño relish, spicy mustard.
Simple, delicious, and slightly less likely to cause intense gastrointestinal distress compared to some of the other options.
Ingredients: Cheddar, dijon mustard, blue tortilla corn strips.
Crunch factor brings underrated possibilities to the hot dog experience.
Ingredients: Chili, cheddar cheese sauce, Fritos, diced onions.
Look, Frito pie is damn delicious, and I don't see why that wouldn't be the case when added to a hot dog, even though half of the meal will probably end up on your shirt.
Ingredients: Cheddar cheese Sauce, pepper jack, provolone, Cheetos, pepper relish.
DON'T EVER CHANGE, WISCONSIN. WE LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.
Ingredients: Bacon, blue cheese slaw, golden mustard.
I'm not a slaw guy, and golden mustard is easily the worst of all mustard choices, but no hot dog that contains bacon, the superior hot dog topping, could be ranked below 5th.
Ingredients: Smokey black bean salsa, golden mustard, cheddar cheese.
Salsa on a hot dog is actually pretty good, but I'm surprised something this spicy was allowed to come out of West Lafayette.
7) Penn State
Ingredients: Coarse grain mustard, jalapeño relish, blue corn tortillas, kraut.
I have no idea what this has to do with Central PA.
Ingredients: Coleslaw, red pepper relish, fried onions.
Although I hear Indiana is considering firing this hot dog and bringing in a New York slice of pizza.
9) Ohio State
Ingredients: Red pepper relish, spicy mustard kraut.
Simple, and poorly dressed. That DOES seem to fit Central Ohio pretty well though, right?
Ingredients: Purple onion marmalade, provolone cheese, creole mustard.
Uh, this is NOT the ingredients list for a Chicago Hot Dog. I would have expected better from Chicago's Big Ten Team.
Ingredients: Southwest style corn salsa, corn tortilla strips, pepper jack cheese.
Like Iowa's B1G Tournament play, this will probably make you sick.
Ingredients: Tortilla corn relish, provolone cheese, crispy corn chips.
Not even Tim Miles could sell this hot dog to anybody.
Looking forward to next year, with the inevitable crab and Old Bay hot dog for Maryland, and caramelized regret for Rutger (the Rutgers hot dog will also cost at least 20 million dollars, because hey, they got bills to pay).
OKAY, YOU GUYS. GIVE YOUR #HOT #DOG #TAKES.