Jeff Boals should get every job ever

Greg Bartram-USA TODAY Sports

I mean, seriously.

With a few exceptions, most of the college basketball coaching carousel is over. Many colleges are giving opportunities to strong assistant coaches who have put in their dues, but others have gone towards more safe, "conventional" (read: retread) candidates, or worse, simply trying to get a "name" (I'm looking at you, Marshall, going after the other D'Antoni. No seriously, that dude is 66 years old and probably hasn't step foot on a college campus since 1970). With many other talented coaching options sitting on the proverbial bench, this is unjust. Especially because one potential shining star sits on his Iron Throne right here in Columbus, just waiting for a shot at the Big Leagues: our own Jeff Boals.

Let it be clear, that I believe that Jeff Boals is a great coach. Ohio State fans are lucky to have him, and should this Illuminati (or whatever) backed conspiracy keep him in Columbus, Buckeye backers will benefit. However, I believe in good karma, and that good things happen when you promote people who are ready for a promotion. If Boals will not relentlessly and publicly advocate for his head coaching shot, I'll happily do it.

The most obvious destination for Boals over the offseason was Ohio. After all, Boals is a Bobcat grad (he was even on a team that beat Ohio State), and started his coaching career there. However, Boals didn't appear to even have an interview, and the Bobcats went with former North Dakota headman Saul Phillips.

Luckily, there are still some gigs open that Boals is qualified for. Let me work my recruiter magic for you. Here is who needs to #HireJeffBoals

Mississippi Valley State – Head Coach

Is this an easy job? No. The program has one of the smallest budgets in D1, plays in a bad conference, and went 14-46 over the last two seasons. It's not like it's impossible to win there though, as the Delta Devils won 21 games in 2011-2012, and made the NCAAs. One of the nice things about playing in a rougher conference is that you should be able to rebuild a little quicker. It's not like you have to overcome Duke, after all.

The program only had two players on the roster last season from the midwest. You know what could help spur a change in the program's fortunes? A steady diet of midwestern hoopsters, recruited by one Jeff Boals. The Thad Matta coaching tree is strong, and the Delta Devils might not be able to bring in a guy with a superior coaching pedigree.

Florida A&M – Head Coach

Similar situation. only FAMU has gone longer without success. The Rattlers haven't had a winning season since 2006-2007. FAMU has actually recruited the midwest though, and last year's team even boosted a player from Cleveland. If FAMU wants a man to help keep those pipelines strong, they don't need to look past Jeff Boals. The greatest coach in FAMU history, football coach Jake Gaither, had Buckeye ties (he got his masters degree from Ohio State in 1937). Can't go wrong hitting up that tree again. Besides, who are they going to hire, their most esteemed basketball alumni Jerome James? I know he's awesome at sitting on a bench and collecting a check (sorry, Knicks fans), but come on. Boals would not only bring the coaching substance, but also the style (Boals rocks the pinstriped suit better than anyone in the game) that Florida A&M has been sorely lacking:

Oregon State – Head Coach

Jeff Boals has already had success at one OSU, so why not the other?

This is a tough gig, (#ThanksObama), but after Ben Howland withdrew, the potential star power for the position has been sucked away. Since the Beavers aren't likely to land an already established superstar, they need to go find a prospect. What, are you going to be happy with Damon Stoudamire? Unlike Stoudamire, Jeff Boals has never needlessly broken the hearts of the good people of Toronto.

Grand Rapids Yet-Unnamed D-League Team – Head Coach

A building program in the midwest seeks a younger coach with proven ability to develop players? Sounds like the perfect gig for one Jeff Boals, who can help mold the young basketball players of today, to prepare for a future where they stand around on the Detroit Pistons and watch Josh Smith jack up another 20-foot jumper. If anything, his time with the Ohio State Buckeyes would be critical training for helping players deal with teammates who take bad shot after bad shot.

Cleveland Cavaliers – Head Coach

Experience working with a demanding boss? Check. Experience working with a fanbase that can occasionally have unrealistic expectations? Check. Experience molding excellent point guards? Check. Strong ties to the community? Check. Not Vinny Del Negro? Check, Check, Check.

I'm not really seeing what I'm missing here. Dan Gilbert is probably looking for a way to save a few bucks after spending the GDP of Toledo on not having Mike Brown as his coach. Seems like a pretty easy call to make here. #HireJeffBoals.

LA Lakers – Head Coach

Step 1) Make Nick Young your primary scorer for Maximum Swag.

Step 2) Install Jeff Boals as head coach.

Step 3) ???

Step 4) SHOWTIME PROFIT!!!1!

Tyrion Lannister – Champion for Trial By Combat

At least Boals has two hands, one more than Tyrion's putative champion, Jaime Lannister. At a rangy 6'8, Boals has the reach necessary to thrust and parry with even the biggest knights in Westeros. Boals once came off the bench to hit 7-of-11 shots for OU against the Buckeyes, so we know he can hack it when he's called out of the crowd to perform. Lions may not concern themselves with the opinions of sheep, but when the sheep all want you to hire this guy, you'd do well to listen.

Toronto – Mayor

Just a hunch, but I suspect they might be looking for a new guy kinda soon.

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