A REPORT BY LAND-GRANT HOLY LAND'S SPECIAL RAP CORRESPONDENT PATRICK MARTYN
Stop the presses, ladies and gentlemen. Rapper 50 Cent has made history.
On May 27th, 2014, at a game between the Pittsburgh Pirates and the New York Mets in Queens, NY, 50 Cent threw out the ceremonial first pitch. This is a time-honored tradition in baseball dating back over a century. In case you're unfamiliar with the concept, it's simple: A special guest stands on the mound and throws the ball to the catcher, signifying the beginning of the game.
50 Cent took things to a whole 'nother level.
If you haven't seen it yet, take a moment to do so here:
As you can see, Mr. Cent opted to throw the ball not at the catcher, like most people do. He decided to throw it roughly eleventy billion feet to the side.
This was a bold move by the rap star. Was it, like the game commentators thought, because he "opened up a little early?" Is it because he took all his pitching lessons from "Ken Griffey, Jr. Presents Major League Baseball" on the Super Nintendo? (Watch as I curve this pitch alllllllll the way to the first base line, then bring it back into the strike zone just in time.) Or could it be -- and I'm just spitballing here -- that he's just really bad at baseball? I mean, come on. I have less skill than a tee ball tee, and I'm pretty sure that even I could aim the pitch in the right direction so that it would roll the rest of the way to the catcher. (It's like 60 ft. from the mound to the catcher. I don't think I could shoot an arrow 60 feet, let alone throw a ball that far, but at least I'd get it in the right direction.)
So congratulations, 50 Cent, and thank you for showing us all that it's okay to be really, really bad at something. You're an inspiration to us all.
By the way: Despite the crippling precedent set for the Mets by this opening pitch, they won, 4-2.