Ohio State football: Kirk Ferentz's Columbus shopping list

Kirk Ferentz's contract is the stuff of legend. At 3.875 million per year, he's the sixth-highest paid coach in college football, and definitely provides the lowest return on investment of any coach in the country. (This is mathematical fact, not opinion.) Ferentz makes more money than all other Iowa state employees combined. Moreover, as Adam Jacobi explains, "the real killer for Iowa, however, is the buyout, which is set at 75% of his remaining salary, paid monthly." Translation: If Iowa wants to rid themselves of Ferentz, they must pay him $250k every single month UNTIL DECEMBER OF 2020. That sucks for Hawkeyes fans, because it virtually guarantees Ferentz will be in their lives for at least another half-decade.

However, Buckeye Nation should embrace Ferentz's exorbitant contract. It's not their problem to deal with, and with Iowa coming to town tomorrow, it might even stimulate the local economy. Here is an exhaustive list of things Ferentz could buy during his weekend in Columbus.

• 216,666 Thurmanators
• 139,285 Club Tril t-shirts
• 303 semesters at OSU (yes, Ferentz is subject to out-of-state tuition)
• 18,840 West Campus parking passes
• 65,00 replica Braxton Miller OSU #5 jerseys from the bookstore
• 388 Eddie George speaking engagements
• 387,000 $10 gift cards from the Forever 21 on High St.
• 27.5 lawyers for DeVier Posey
• 19.5 presidential search firms
• 4 and 1/3 football games with Florida A&M
• 35,000 CLUB SEATS to the Schottenstein Center's much-anticipated Macklemore concert
• 6/10 of a Gordon Gee retirement package