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A Bigggggg Mike primer

Breaking down Michael Moses Tarpeh, fugitive and Columbus trending topic.

By Land-Grant Holy Land Staff

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OSU Police

Who is Bigggggg Mike?

He is 23-year-old Michael Moses Tarpeh, wanted by police in Massachusetts, West Virgina, and Connecticut for aggravated assault, attempted sexual assault, and an armed carjacking/robbery/assault/battery.

How bigggggg is Bigggggg Mike, exactly?

Bigggggg enough to warrant six G’s, that’s for sure.

OK. But what is his affiliation with Ohio State athletics?

Mike popped bottles at Columbus’s Fourth Street Bar and Grill Tuesday night, where he met Amanda Furrer, a senior member of the Ohio State rifle team and 2012 Olympian. Furrer indulged Mike’s request for a photo, which quickly made the Internet rounds, prompting reports of Mike’s whereabouts.

Has Bigggggg Mike been caught yet?

Unfortunately, as of this writing, no, he hasn’t.

That’s terrible. He isn’t, like, live-tweeting his escapades as we speak, right?

Oh, but he is, @BiggggggMike. He’s been chatting up a storm with OSU students since Wednesday.

Really? SMH. Have any B-list OSU athletes reached out to Mike?

You betcha. Take everyone’s favorite Italian-bred three-point specialist, Amedeo Della Valle, for instance.

Moreover, The Fake Lantern, OSU’s leading bogus news organization, started a grassroots campaign for Jonathan Hankins to square off with Bigggggg Mike, but Hankins has yet to respond.

Speaking of news organizations, did a Facebook account that appears to be Mike’s send a portentous message to The Lantern yesterday?

Yes. How did you know? It read, "I don't hurt peple (sic) I just empty [their] pockets..swag lol."

Is this something we should be laughing about?

Absolutely not.

Good, I didn’t think so. What does Bigggggg Mike want?

Two things:

1. Your valuables.

2. Per his Twitter bio, "to become [the] Next Reailty (sic) Star."

A reality star? Which reality show do you think he’d fit best on?

COPS.

TV shows are one thing, but does Mike have any big screen ambitions?

Yes.

Does Bigggggg Mike play college football?

Possibly. On Twitter, he claims to play lacrosse and football (shades of Jim Brown) at "K-State". It remains unclear whether he’s referring to Kansas State (I hadn’t pegged him as one of Bill Snyder stereotypical high-character guys, but whatever), Kent State, or Kennesaw State.

Has Bigggggg Mike expressed interest in transferring to OSU?

Indeed he has.

What a shame. If not for his criminal record, I think he could hold his own on the defensive line. I guess he’ll have to settle for an underground rap career – he has one of those, doesn’t he?

Correctamundo. Check out the video below, proclaimed by Mike to be "the freestyle of 2009." Columbus-area pickup ballers should remember his threat "to shoot a 3 on you." (Looks can be deceiving.) Also note the lines "I stay with my popcorn" and "I’m Randy Moss/You’re Tarvaris Jackson." Clever!

Is this type of behavior commonplace for Mike?

It certainly seems to be. A similar incident happened at UCONN just last week.

What should I do if I see Bigggggg Mike?

Contact OSU police immediately.

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