Heeeeeeeeeeeey, you guys! How ya doin'? Still liking this whole "Big Ten" thing? I hope so! Don't listen to those people who still say you're only here for the DC TV market. It's just not true. You're a legend and a leader in my book, Terps.
So I hear things aren't exactly going great for you recently, what with the whole "losing record" and the "probable mid-season firing of your head coach" stuff going on. We feel your pain, guys. Really, we do. Things aren't going our way, either. Do you have any idea how frustrating it is when your championship-winning quarterback just doesn't seem to be up to par? Or that feeling you get when your Heisman-candidate backup QB doesn't get as much playing time as you think he should? Or when it feels like your Heisman-candidate RB is carrying the team? Or when your Heisman-candidate QB-turned-HB-turned-WR struggles to make the impact that you feel he can? What am I saying; of course you don't.
And if it's true, and your coach is about to get sacked, then we feel extra awful for you guys. We just went through that same deal a few years ago, and it was rough. I'm sure you remembered when we lost our championship-winning coach, Jim Tressel. We really struggled after that. We had a not-so-great season the next year, lost to our rival, and then hired a new championship-winning coach. Like I said, it was rough. I'm not really sure how we made it through that, to be honest.
So listen. We're sorry for all that. And if today's the day we get our groove back, then we're sorry for that, too. A turtle on its back can't breathe; it's not very nice to kick it like that, either.