Ah, anonymous scout season. The time of the year when latent racism can get thrown around like Mardi Gras beads and character assassination is the only real currency du jour.
After already inappropriately being asked about his sexuality by NFL brass, Ohio State corner Eli Apple is once again on the receiving end of shade, this time from an anonymous coward with a scout's notebook:
"I worry about him because of off-the-field issues. The kid has no life skills. At all. Can't cook. Just a baby. He's not first round for me. He scares me to death." Wonderlic was 21. "He probably has as much talent as anybody but he, like a lot of those Ohio State guys, is inconsistent," said a third scout. "He squats, and receivers run by him. He's more in catch-up mode than reaction mode. He bothers me a little bit."
Let the record show that if an inability to cook was a professional deal breaker, yours truly would be living in a cardboard box by now.
Even if the vast majority of folks reading this would rather heat up Hamburger Helper than try and master salt-crusted fish, let's try and keep some perspective: Ohio State football players are served the vast majority of their meals at training tables prepared by nutritionists and team chefs alike. There's no logical reason unless you just happen to be really into cooking why you'd need advanced proficiency in this arena after three years under program supervision.
Given that Apple is a relative safe bet to hear his name called in the late portion of the first round, it's likely that this kind of sad criticism won't go very far. At the very least, the next time Apple takes an interception to the house in the professional ranks, I suppose he could always dedicate the score to his last great late night McDonald's run.
To add to the fun, Eli's mom weighed in. Predictably, she wasn't having any of it:
We dont respond to anonymous people & things. They're not real to us. What's real is this amazing dream our son is living rite now. #GoBucks— Annie Apple (@SurvivinAmerica) April 27, 2016
Btw, Eli's dad is a retired five star chef. We eat well. So stop playing with our name. Next time you say our name, put some respeck on it— Annie Apple (@SurvivinAmerica) April 27, 2016
Eli himself disputed the potshot's validity, too:
Eli Apple on anonymous scout saying he can't cook: "False! I was one of the best cooks on the team. I used to cook breakfast all the time."— Bart Hubbuch (@BartHubbuch) April 27, 2016
So did former Ohio State teammate Ezekiel Elliott:
Eli has made me some fire fried chicken and mac and cheese. The source seems to be pretty unreliable— EzekielElliott#⃣1⃣5⃣ (@EzekielElliott) April 27, 2016
Another former teammate, Darron Lee, had another idea:
We should have a cooking contest at the combine now— Darron Lee (@DLeeMG8) April 27, 2016
And former Buckeye Bradley Roby chimed in too:
I can't cook either ! Maybe hot pockets at best lol .. And I'm a SUPERBOWL CHAMPION .— Bradley Roby (@BradRoby_1) April 27, 2016
Your move, anonymous tough guy.