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I Got 5 on it: Dwayne Haskins goes to Bowser’s Castle

Maryland Stadium isn’t as daunting as Bowser’s raceway, but work with me here.

Welcome to this week’s I Got Five on it. Given that I won’t even be able to watch this game live — I’ll be at the POWERHOUSE Utah-Colorado game, loaded off the Light Latte’s — I wish you all the best in starting your day trying to watch Ohio State turn the corner [checks notes] 12 weeks into the season. Anyway, let’s talk about Maryland.

First of all, I can’t help myself when it comes to the Terps. Last year’s Maryland edition of I Got Five on it was dedicated to Mario Kart, and as you can see from the photo above, I am very much back on my bullshit.

Maryland comes into tomorrow’s game at a respectable 5-5 — given their off-field circumstances this season — which includes a still-hilarious win over Texas to start the season. Other than that, they’ve mostly gotten wrecked by the good teams they’ve played, and destroyed the bad ones.

Poor Texas Tom

Can they pull another upset and spoil Ohio State’s titanic clash with Michigan next week? Probably not, but let’s go over 5 things I’m thinking about for this game anyway.


Haskins back

Dwayne Haskins’ return home has generated buzz aplenty, and rightfully so. He grew up only thirty minutes from Maryland’s campus, and was once a Terps commit, up until the last moments of the Randy Edsall era:

It’d be nice to see Haskins bounce back in what’s sure to be an emotional game for him. He’s been a bit uneven the last three weeks, and had some uncharacteristic misses against Michigan State that could have made that game look much better in hindsight. He also still made a couple throws like this:

In addition to coming home, No. 7 also needs just 3 passing touchdowns and 51 yards to break each single-season program record. Not bad for a first-year starter. Here’s hoping to a special day on multiple fronts for Dwayne.


Wait, what

Actually, it might take a little while to set those records.


Chance time

If you’ve ever played Mario Party, you know that you’re probably in for a bad time when you land on a Bowser Space and get to chance time. Maryland’s offense is basically chance time, and only five things can happen:

Maryland’s offense isn’t efficient, moves the ball almost solely through massive plays, gives up sacks frequently, and sometimes turns the ball over. That’s the book. Hopefully Greg Schiano looks at this informative graphic and learns from it.


The Man

Speaking of the defense; It’s time to give Dre’Mont Jones his roses. Often under-appreciated the past three seasons, he’s been a beast on an otherwise underwhelming defensive line. Here’s a list of what he’s done this season:

  • 10 TFLs
  • 6.5 sacks
  • 13 run stuffs
  • 1 interception, 1 forced fumble
  • 2 PBUs
  • Two TDs

Against Michigan State alone, he had a fumble recovery for a touchdown and deflected a pass that Shaun Wade intercepted. Both came at critical times — just like his touchdown against TCU — and helped lead the Buckeyes to victory.

Jones could have been a top-60 pick in last year’s draft, but chose to come back, and he’s been nothing short of awesome. He probably isn’t going to pass up on that opportunity again, so let’s appreciate him in the scarlet and gray while we can.


The other (Chris) Man

I just want to remind everyone that Drue Chrisman did this last week:

It’s reassuring to know that in the event Ohio State’s coaches can’t figure out what to do with their former 4 and 5-star offensive players, the punter will be there to save them. Drue Chrisman forever.

That’s it for this week’s I Got Five on it. Enjoy tomorrow’s game as much as I’m going to enjoy those frosty Busch Light’s, and get ready for the massive showdown with Michigan that’s on the horizon. Go Bucks.