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Column: I’m thankful for the nicknames I’ve used in articles for Michigan over the years

Not gonna lie, I’m pretty proud of some of these.

NCAA Football: Indiana at Michigan Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports

Look, I am a simple man; it doesn’t take much to entertain me. So today, when we are gathering with family to celebrate the things that bring joy to our lives, I want to give thanks to the thoroughly idiotic things that I have called Ohio State’s rival over the years here on the fine journalistic pages of Land-Grant Holy Land rather than the team’s actual name.

Now, this list is in no particular order and is in no way exhaustive, as I am old and my feeble mind no longer has the capacity to retain information that does not directly pertain to my immediate survival. So, I might be adding to this list as I remember more — or as I come up with others — but for now, here are some of my tried and true favorites.

Please feel free to add some of your own in the comments below — but keep them PG, this is a Mot#er F*c%in’ family site!

Nicknames for the team

Ferrets (and the natural, alliterative byproduct: The Fighting Ferrets)
Skunk Bears
Striped Polecats
Nasty Cats
The Fighting Timon and Pumbas
The Nervous Chickens
Mitten Men
Michigan State’s Little Brothers
Pompous Princes
Corn and Blue
Winged Helmet Wingnuts
and of course... That Team Up North (TTUN)

These names often lead to variants as well. I will often combine things to something like “The Mitten State Weasels” or something of the sort.

Nicknames for their coach

Now let’s get into what I’ve got for the man who runs TTUN, the weirdest dude in college football (other than Mike Leach).

Jimmy Cleats
The bekhakied one
Screech Powers’ cousin
John’s baby brother
Mama Harbaugh’s third favorite son
Bo Schembechler’s bastard offspring (that one’s probably in poor taste in retrospect)
The Michiganiest Man
The best quarterback on Michigan’s roster (that was a few years ago and I still stand by it)
The worst X-Man
Coach for Life

Alright, so what do you have? Let me know what your favorites are and what you call OSU’s rivals.