You’re Nuts: What’s your favorite ❌ichigan joke?

Everybody knows that one of the best parts of being a sports fan is debating and dissecting the most (and least) important questions in the sporting world with your friends. So, we’re bringing that to the pages of LGHL with our favorite head-to-head column: You’re Nuts.

In You’re Nuts, two LGHL staff members will take differing sides of one question and argue their opinions passionately. Then, in the end, it’s up to you to determine who’s right and who’s nuts.

Today’s Question: You’re Nuts: What’s your favorite ❌ichigan joke?

Jami’s Joke:

When Matt suggested we tell a Michigan joke for our column this week, my immediate instinct was to write 500 words on Jim Harbaugh’s contract. But that’s not really what Matt had in mind, so instead, I am selecting the joke that speaks to my soul as a former teacher.

One day, at an elementary school in Ann Arbor, Michigan, a teacher asked her class if the Michigan Wolverines were their favorite football team. The whole class says yes except for Little Jimmy.

The teacher asks, “What is your favorite football team, Jimmy?”

Little Jimmy says, “The Ohio State Buckeyes.”

The teacher asks, “Well, why is that?”

Little Jimmy says, “Well, my dad is a Buckeye fan. My mom is a Buckeye fan. I guess that makes me a Buckeye fan.”

The teacher, angered by his reply, says, “Well if your dad were a moron and your mom were an idiot, what would that make you?”

Little Jimmy replied, “I guess that would make me a Michigan fan.”

Honorable mention:

Q: How do you make U of M cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for three hours.

Matt’s Joke:

Before last year’s edition of The Game was unceremoniously canceled while we were recording, our old friend Tia Johnston and I ran through some of our favorite Michigan jokes. This is a version of the one that I enjoyed the most.

Jake was dying, but his beloved wife Becky was maintaining a candlelight vigil by hospital bedside. She held his fragile hand, tears were running down her face, and she prayed for her husband’s pain to end.

Her sobs and prayers roused Jake from his coma, and looking up at Becky, his pale lips began to move slightly. “Becky, my darling” he whispered.

“Hush my love,” she replied. “Rest, don’t talk.”

But Jake was insistent. “Becky, please listen. I know that I am on the threshold of eternity, so there is something that I must confess before I leave this world.”

“There’s nothing to confess, my darling,” replied the weeping Becky. “Every thing is at pease. Relax and go to sleep.”

“No, no. I must tell you this before I go. I,” his voice breaking, “I have been a Michigan fan all of my life! I have kept it from you for years, because I know how much you love Ohio State, and I couldn’t bear the thought of disappointing you.”

Moving close to her husband’s ear, Becky whispered, “I know, my love. I found your Bo Schembechler shrine last week. But that doesn’t matter anymore. Just lay back and let the poison work.”

Honorable Mention:

Have you heard the news? Jim Harbaugh is only going to dress 22 players for the game against Ohio State. The rest of the players have to dress themselves.