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You’re Nuts presents ‘Survivor: College Hoops Edition’

Your boat just sunk and you were able to swim to a nearby island. Who do you want on your crew?

Gene Ross

Happy Friday to all! For this week’s basketball “You’re Nuts” piece, your resident Bucketheads Connor and Justin chose to go in a different direction than the one they’ve been following up to this point. Rather than picking one specific person/player/idea, they’re each assembling a team.

Imagine you’re on a boat somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico. It’s a sunny, warm day and you’re soaking up the sun on the deck while enjoying a beverage or two. Suddenly, the waves start picking up and sky get dark. You’re miles from the shore, and there’s no way you’ll get back before the sky opens up. As you jet back in the general direction of the mainland, the waves start splashing onto your boat and the wind is threatening to tip you over completely.

Despite your best efforts, mother nature wins the battle. Your boat capsizes and starts to sink. You and your crew bob up and down in the water, trying to keep your heads out of the rocky waves. You spot a small patch of land about a mile away with a few trees, so the four of you bust out the toughest cardio session of your life swimming to the shore.

As you get to the shore, magically, the storm has passed! You lay on the sand exhausted, wondering how in the world you’ll get back to the marina. Your phones aren’t waterproof, and most everything else was lost on the boat. You’re going to have to find a way to survive until help arrives.

Your crew is made up of yourself, one college basketball coach, one player, and one mascot. You have no idea when help will arrive, but you must choose your crew wisely in order to maximize your odds of survival. Who would you want on that island?

Last week’s “Nuts” recap

Last week, Connor and Justin debated which member of the Ohio State men’s basketball team would be a bigger contributor on the football team. Connor picked E.J. Liddell, who would naturally play tight end for Ryan Day’s Buckeyes. Justin chose Sueing, who felt that the tall lefty would be a solid QB. We asked you to pick whose choice would perform at a higher level on the gridiron.

Connor/Liddell won in dominating fashion, picking up 67% of the votes. Justin/Sueing garnered 15% of the vote, and the final 18% of you thought that a different player would be the best football player.

After 14 weeks

Connor- 7
Justin- 4
Other- 2

(Eight weeks ago there was a tie)

After 14 weeks of nuts, Connor holds a 7-4 lead over Justin, who was halted Justin’s short winning streak. The “other” option won twice.

So, which coach, player, and mascot do you want by your side while stranded on the desert island? To be clear: your choices do not need to be associated with Ohio State or the Big Ten. You can choose one coach and player (past or present), as well as one mascot. You don’t know how long you’ll be out there, so choose wisely.

Today’s Question: Which coach, player, and mascot would you want with you if you were stranded at sea?

Connor: Greg McDermott, Kofi Cockburn, and Brutus Buckeye

With my choices I mostly stuck with brute strength, because I am neither large nor strong. At 5-foot-7 and 140 pounds, I’m definitely on the lighter side when it comes to usefulness in any outdoor setting. I’m not too proud to admit that.

I mostly wanted a team that is familiar with the ocean/island life and is substantially bigger and stronger than me, so that I don’t have to do nearly as much work. I’ll help as much as I can, but if it was just me, I promise you I’d die. I’m just giving myself as big an insurance policy as possible... with an emphasis on big.

Player - Kofi Cockburn

NCAA Basketball: NCAA Tournament-Loyola-Chicago at Illinois IndyStar-USA TODAY Sports

First off, Kofi was born and spent most of his childhood in Kingston, Jamaica. He moved to the United States when he was 14 years old, but that’s still 14 more years of island life than I have. Kingston is the capital of Jamaica, so it’s not like Kofi was living on a sandbar somewhere, but he still is more familiar with island living than myself or pretty much anybody else in the world of college hoops.

He’s also seven feet tall, which would be quite helpful if we’re trying to build shelter, start a fire, maybe build a (large) raft or boat to get off the island. He can haul materials and reach things up in the trees that I can’t reach. Kofi is a first-round draft pick when you’re talking about surviving on a desert island.

Coach - Greg McDermott

NCAA Basketball: Providence at Creighton Steven Branscombe-USA TODAY Sports

Sticking with the theme of “let’s bring all the big guys along,” my choice in the coach category is Creighton’s Greg McDermott. McDermott is 56 years old but is still 6-foot-7 and has to weigh close to 280 pounds. He’s also a dad (he coached his own son at Creighton), which means that if myself and Kofi can’t figure things out, he’ll certainly have a plan. Because dads always have a plan, right?

Being the massive and strong human being he is, I can’t see a situation where we don’t at least have safe shelter, a constant fire going, and food until we find a way home. Kofi Cockburn and McDermott are almost 14 feet tall and 600 pounds together — I think we’re going to be alright.

Mascot - Brutus Buckeye

NCAA Football: Penn State at Ohio State Joe Maiorana-USA TODAY Sports

Yeah, I’m a homer, sue me. Here’s what I know about Brutus — you have to try out to be him. There’s also a height requirement (that I do not meet), so Brutus is bound to be someone who’s in pretty good shape and is tall. Also, Brutus is a human being with hands and feet, he just can’t talk to us. That’s fine, Brutus. We’ve never had trouble communicating with you before.

It’s also impossible to look at Brutus and not just start giggling out of your mind. He does the goofiest sh*t, and even if you don’t really want to be bothered, it’s always okay to be bothered by Brutus. In addition to his physical contributions to our survival efforts, he’d also be comedic relief. As Lee Corso likes to say, give me Brutus!

Justin: Jay Wright, Jordan Bohannon and Brutus Buckeye

Confession time. I have never watched Survivor and I have never watched Lost. So the whole “trapped on a deserted island” concept can be pretty lost on me. However, I know exactly who to pick for this question even though I do not have the knowledge of those shows to back me up.

I want my team to be useful. You cannot just wait around to be rescued, you have to go out there and make something happen. I am keeping that in mind as I make my team. This is going to be a team that stands out and will get me off this island. Or at least have some fun as I die.

Player - Jordan Bohannon

What’s better than a player that is 75 years old. Jokes aside, even though Bohannon is a Hawkeye, he is someone who has been around for a while and seems to have a good head on his shoulders. He is calm under pressure and can make quick decisions on the fly.

Picking a point guard here just makes sense and he is one of, if not the, most experienced point guards returning in the country.

NCAA Basketball: NCAA Tournament-Grand Canyon at Iowa Aaron Doster-USA TODAY Sports

Coach - Jay Wright

Doesn’t he just seem pleasant to be around? I think that is important when your life’s on the line and you may not make it out alive. Also, I feel like Jay Wright understands and can fix boats, so he might be the cheat code that I need to get off the island.

Even if he cannot fix the boat (feels like cheating anyway), he can surely keep the morale up off the group and come up with some innovative ideas to help us get off the island. We know he is a top tier coach, a great guy and a smart guy. What else do you need?

NCAA Basketball: NCAA Tournament-Winthrop at Villanova Aaron Doster-USA TODAY Sports

Mascot - Brutus the Buckeye

Let me say this off the top. This is not just me pandering for votes. Or is it? It’s not. I am picking Brutus because he is the most functional mascot. Obviously, I am not picking an actual animal. What the heck is that going to do for me? Nothing. Plus, so many mascots do not have impossible thumbs. I don’t want to tell my mascot to go get some wood for fires and I just never see them again.

No. I need a mascot that can help. I thought about the Seminole guy who rides the horse for Florida State, but I feel like he doesn’t count. Shouldn’t the mascot be the horse? Anyway, I am going with Brutus here because it just makes the most sense. And some votes and pandering never killed anyone.

Thank you in advance for your consideration and votes. Lord knows I need them to catch Connor.


Whose island crew stands a better chance at survival?

This poll is closed

  • 54%
    Kofi Cockburn, Greg McDermott, and Brutus (Connor)
    (6 votes)
  • 45%
    Jordan Bohannon, Jay Wright, and Brutus (Justin)
    (5 votes)
11 votes total Vote Now