Chop had a BIG game Saturday. Also known as Miyan Williams, the Buckeyes running back had himself a day as he ran for five of Ohio State's seven touchdowns. The 5-foot-9, 225-pound tank earned himself the nickname after disassociating himself with his past nickname of “Meatball” once he toned up. Personally, I think Chop is a pretty sweet name, so I wanted to come up with some for the other players.
C.J. Stroud AKA “Mr. Filet”
I feel like this makes sense, right? Everyone loves a good filet mignon, and it’s the most popular cut of steak. The quarterback is also the most popular, favorable position in football. Therefore, I feel like the two correlate. A filet is the most expensive cut of meat you can get at the butcher or the steakhouse. Stroud is a premium player.
He is certainly one of a kind. You want to enjoy every minute of watching him because he will most likely leave after this season. He is the highest quality of quarterbacks. Everyone wants him, but only a few can afford him. If this man wins the Heisman, he should have a steak named after him at Jeff Ruby’s just like Joe Burrow.
Tommy Eichenberg AKA “Ribeye”
The ribs are the center of the cow. Unless you’re a weirdo and eat a cow’s heart, I would say this is pretty much the middle of the cow. A ribeye and Tommy Eichenberg go hand-in-hand. Or dare I say heart-to-heart? He is the core of this Buckeye defense, also coming at a price.
According to cattlemensrestaurant.com (a great website I discovered), “Ribeyes are super fatty, which allows them to retain their juiciness even when cooked over very high heat.” No, I’m not calling Eichenberg fat, but I do agree with the second part of this sentence. Even under pressure, the linebacker does not fail. In the very first game of the season against a top-five opponent, he flourished. These steaks also dry age well, and Eichenberg has only gotten better as the season has gone on.
Marvin Harrison Jr. AKA Buzz (short for Buzzard)
Okay, hear me out on this one. First of all, yes buzzard is a meat. Do people eat it that much? No, apparently it does not taste good at all. However, that is not what I am focused on here. Buzzards can reach flight speeds up to 28 mph, and I feel like that is pretty similar to Route Man Marv.
He can just zoom right by you, getting rid of defenders just like buzzards get rid of dead animals. The more I write this, the more I realize it’s kind of a gross comparison, but I promise it was an attempt to compliment Marv’s speed.