The biggest storyline from Saturday’s game wasn't Ohio State’s win over Wisconsin, another great game by Stroud or even Marvin Harrison Jr.’s Louis Vuitton cleats— it was the fact that Brutus got absolutely ROCKED! Therefore, it made me think about how truly tough Brutus is, and what would happen if he went one-on-one with the other Big Ten mascots.
ICYMI, here is the video. One of my favorite parts of going to the games is this race that happens during a commercial break in the second half. Students race in these hamster-ball-like spheres, and bounce off each other in the process. In this case, Brutus was the one who got trucked. He got hit so hard that ESPN’s Holly Rowe had to interview him to make sure he was OK. Kirk Herbstreit and Chris Fowler’s commentary make it even better.
BRUTUS GOT KNOCKED OUT! pic.twitter.com/PiPE8DXGjo— ESPN (@espn) September 25, 2022
Wisconsin’s Bucky Badger
I feel it’s only fitting to start with Wisconsin, since the Buckeyes’ football team already got the W in this matchup. As for the mascots, According to some “advice on badgers” I found on Google, “In most cases, a badgers’ first reaction to danger is to escape into the nearest sett.” So, if a badger’s first instinct is to run, I don't think they stand a chance against Brutus.
I still find this as one of the weirdest mascots in college football... who wants to be a boilermaker? Do you even know what it is? Thanks to my friend Google, once again, I discovered it is a “tradesperson who fabricates steel, iron, or copper into boilers and other large containers intended to hold hot gas or liquid,” While it sounds like these are very talented people, I don’t know how much physical skills they have when it comes to squaring off with Mr. Buckeye.
Rutgers’ Sir Henry the Scarlet Knight
Apparently, the Scarlet Knights have an actual name for their mascot, which is Henry (kind of basic in my opinion). He has a literal bio on Rutgers’ website (kind of pompous if you ask me). In it, it says he likes long walks on the beach and flexing in the mirror. I’m not scared. However, he does have a sword and likes to joust, but that gives him an unfair advantage. Put down the armor and fight with your fists, Henry. I don’t have much confidence in you.
Illinois’ Belted Kingfisher
This is a fairly new mascot for the Fighting Illini, as it became official only two years ago. It’s a bird. However, birds do like nuts. Good thing Brutus is no ordinary nut.
Nebraska’s Herbie Husker
This might be the first real contender to win against Brutus. Hear me out, now. I know a cornhusker might not sound too intimidating at first listen. However, think about the person husking that corn. It’s most likely a farmer, who is country strong. Just look at the muscles on Herbie! Unfortunately, I think I have to give the edge to him...
Northwestern’s Willie the Wildcat
My first thought when I googled this mascot was, “Wow, he looks like a fraud.” He kind of looks like a bunny. I’m simply not intimidated by him, so I know Brutus wouldn’t be either. Plus, anyone with the name Willie just sounds like someone you can sit down and have a cup of coffee with.
Maryland’s Testudo the Terrapin
This may be the best Google definition yet: a small, edible turtle. EDIBLE?!? So you’re telling me Brutus can eat Testudo with his morning Cheerios? This is no question a win for Brutus.
Penn State’s Nittany Lion
Argh. I don’t like saying this but I think it’s pretty clear who would win this one. A Nittany lion is a mountain lion. Personally, I wouldn’t want to be alone with one of these guys. I don’t think Brutus would either. He would probably be renamed to “dinner.”
ADVANTAGE: Nittany Lions
Minnesota’s Goldy Gopher
Goldy is adorable! Gophers are really good at digging but not known much for their fighting skills. They are good at destroying a nice garden, though. If Goldy decides to come out of his tunnel to face off against Brutus, he might have wished he didn’t.
Iowa’s Herky the Hawk
I don’t like Herky — he’s a little scary! I feel like kids would be too frightened to get a picture with him. So, while that might not be great for Iowa’s social media and merchandise, it probably would come in handy with a fight against a nut.
I’m confused what a Hoosier is. A native of Indiana? I also found Gus Grenadier was a mascot. Indiana is going to lose simply because no one would show up to the fight because there is no clear mascot.
Michigan State’s Sparty
This isn’t a fair fight. Sparty is a literal gladiator. His life’s meaning is to destroy, and I don’t think he would have mercy on a nut. However, if he was foolish enough to try and eat it...
The one we’ve all been waiting for, folks. These two characters have a lot of history. A lot of pent-up anger. This fight would go the distance. And, just like his team has for the majority of the past decade. Brutus would come out victorious!
Is Brutus the toughest, best mascot in the Big Ten?
This poll is closed
No, he’s a nut